mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize