How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
