Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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