if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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