Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I want a musical about memes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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