i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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