mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drake has all the answers
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
