yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
