You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I want to make a zoo with you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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