yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
