Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
