IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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