At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
