There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
