I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
