i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
