i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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