That's intense
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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