420 ftw
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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