how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
