Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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