Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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