i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
