I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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