Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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