hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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