Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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