I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
