we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize