You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize