Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
