he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
