and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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