why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
