if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Randomize
