I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
