Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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