Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
