i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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