she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize