I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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