I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
