Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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