im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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