He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
