That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I die, sorry about rent.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
