I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
