Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
