he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
