I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
