Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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