I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish you could order shots online.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
