If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
