please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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