He is an equal opportunity slut.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
