and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
