Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
