two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im part way to drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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