i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
