C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
