If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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