Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
