why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
soo... how was my night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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