I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
