Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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