Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
