wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
