No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
