I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
