the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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