I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
