i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
