im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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