She is in my trunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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