It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize