i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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