Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
